


After the War

by theauthoress



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Spoilers for the Balance Arc, i thought i was gonna write one scene and then it spiraled out of control, me stuffing a fic full of tangentially-related headcanons? it's more likely than you think, sort-of major character death except it's established pre-canon and hes better now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 20:10:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17987768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthoress/pseuds/theauthoress
Summary: Taako knew that Kravitz had died before he became a reaper, but it had always seemed like a distant past that was long gone. It wasn't something either of them thought about until a letter stirs up old memories and brings Taako face to face with Kravitz's old life--and the role his own relic played in his death.





	After the War

**Author's Note:**

> Written based on a prompt/conversation with inkedinserendipity on tumblr.

It starts with a letter. Taako usually doesn’t pay much mind to the fan mail he gets after the day of Story and Song. Most of it is the same old thing, and now he has Ren to organize them and send out pre-made replies. Before he gives them to her, though, he always like to read through them. He claims it’s a nice ego boost, but there’s a certain softness in his eyes, in the gentle way he holds the paper, that hides beneath his usual preening at the praise.

He likes to be reminded of the people he’s saved. It helps dampen that feeling of guilt from when the crew of the Starblaster watched the world turn on itself because of their creations. He’d never admit it, though, not even to Lup (who knows anyways, but lets him pretend to be more vain and selfish than he really is).

This letter, though, this one is different. He’s laying across the couch in the living room, boots propped up on the armrest as he tosses read fan mail into a pile on the table. The sound of Kravitz moving around their shared home breaks up the long silence. It’s the last letter of the day, and Taako doesn’t think much of it as he opens up the envelope.

_Dear Mister Taako,_  it starts. They never seem to know what to call him. It’s always something weird and too formal for Taako’s taste. He’d rather they all just stick with Taako—cha boy’s got a brand to maintain after all.

_You probably get a lot of letters, being a savior of the world and all—thanks for that, by the way! Really appreciate not being dead!_  That’s new. Taako might not act like a full-blown hero most of the time, but saving the world is hardly ever an aside in these letters. Usually he gets a full page of nothing but thanks before they write anything else.

_This is a little weird, and probably not something you’d like to talk about, but I don’t know where else to turn. I live in a small farming village named Greensborough near the edge of the Felicity Wilds. At the edge of town is a remnant left from the Relic Wars. From the Philosopher’s Stone._  Taako sits up from his reclined position and clutches the letter in his hand. The paper wrinkles and warps the words he just read, but he can still see them, as if they’re burned into his mind.

“Taako? Is something wrong, babe?” Kravitz’s voice is enough to calm Taako to the point where he’s no longer in danger of ripping the page. Taako holds up one finger and continues to read. As he does, he feels the couch shift as Kravitz sits beside him. A hand starts to rub soothing circles into his shoulder. Taako rests the hand he had held up on Kravitz’s wrist, a silent thanks he knows Kravitz will understand.

_During the Relic Wars, someone used the Philosopher’s Stone to turn several townspeople here to gold. Their bodies are still there to this day._ Taako’s blood turns cold as he closes his hand tighter around Kravitz’s wrist. The little voice that he had gotten so good at tuning out starts screaming  _this is your fault this is your fault your fault yourfaultyourfaultyourfault._

It had been so much easier not to care, to think of everyone else in the universe as dust. The crew were the only ones that mattered. But then a little boy with glasses wormed his way into Taako’s long closed-off heart. Then it was a charming reaper. An excitable cook. A batty old witch. Suddenly this world was his home and all these little specks of dust were  _his_  specks of dust. And he had let it go to shit for so long, only intervening when he didn’t even remember he was to blame. Retroactive guilt was a real bitch.

“Love,” Kravitz says, low and soft. Taako can feel him shift to get a better look at the letter, but he angles it away and bids Kravitz to wait with another squeeze of his wrist. Kravitz sighs and Taako can feel his breath on the back of his neck, but he doesn’t push and Taako is idly reminded that he loves this man so, so much. He continues reading.

_We’ve made our peace with what happened then. The site has become something of a memorial for those we lost, in the Relic Wars and on the day of Story and Song. But the thing is, well, solid gold is a little hard for small-town farmers to protect. There have been a few incidents with bandits and marauders. Luckily, none of them have been successful so far. Still, I can’t bear to think that the people we lost might one day be a prize for some greedy, awful thieves. None of us here in Greensborough have the power to turn gold into anything else. I was hoping that as the most powerful transmutation wizard in the world, you might be able to come and finally put them to rest. It’s what they deserve._

Taako folds the letter back up and hold it to his chest. “Babe?” he says, his voice too hoarse for his own liking.

“Yes?” Kravitz brushes Taako’s hair over his shoulder, fingers gently trailing over the nape of his neck.

“Can you take me somewhere quick with your reaper-portal thing?”

Kravitz’s fingers still on his skin. After a moment’s silence, he moves his hand down to take Taako’s, lacing their fingers together. “Of course. Where do you want to go?”

Taako almost doesn’t get up, not wanting to give up Kravitz’s touch that’s kept him grounded so far, but he has to. He makes his way to a large bookshelf, mostly filled with Angus’s collection of books—or at least one copy of his collection, which has duplicates at both Magnus and Merle’s places since he moves frequently between the three men’s homes.

Resting against the newest Caleb Cleveland novel is a rolled-up map. Taako takes it out and spreads it on the table. Kravitz stands to look over his shoulder, hand resting on Taako’s hip. The motion is almost automatic, and Taako holds in a sigh of relief at being held again. Man, a decade of touch-starvation really did fuck him up, didn’t it? He’s not sure he knows exactly how he feels about Kravitz being able to read him so well, always offering the exact kind of comfort he needs. Not even all the seven birds managed that, only Lup (of course) and Barry (who Taako suspects got some tips from Lup sometime during their voyage).

Taako finds the Felicity Wilds on the map with little issue and begins scanning the areas around it. There, near the northern edge is his destination, no more than a speck with tiny letters reading  _Grnsboro_  to label it. Taako points at it. “Take me there.”

“Right now?” Kravitz sounds concerned but willing, and that’s good enough for Taako. He’ll feel much better when he puts this all behind him.

“Right now.”

Kravitz takes another look at the map, and then steps away from Taako. His skin fades away as he reaches a hand out and closes it slowly into a fist. His scythe appears just as his fingers are in the perfect position to wrap around it. With a flash of light glinting off steel, he slashes through the air, opening a rift.

Kravitz takes a moment to re-materialize his skin before holding a hand out towards Taako. Taako takes it and finds himself surprised by how cold it is. He’s grown used to Kravitz’s recently raised body temperature, but it still takes time for him to warm up after going skeleton-mode. If he’s being perfectly honest, which he rarely ever is, it’s uncomfortably foreboding given what he’s about to do.

Kravitz squeezes his hand and there’s a rush of warmth. Not quite as warm as a living person, but soothing nonetheless. Together, they step through the rift.

Kravitz’s rifts weren’t exactly meant for living beings. As Taako passes through it, gripping Kravitz’s hand like a lifeline, he feels a strange falling sensation deep in his chest—maybe his soul?—that reminds him a little too much of dying.

The moment passes, and they’re standing on a worn dirt path. A general store and a tavern stand to their right, and to their left is a few small houses, behind which large green fields roll gently over the hills. Every single person in what passes for a town square here stops what they’re doing and stares.

A young human woman with mousy brown hair and a face full of freckles stands next to a well, holding a bucket. The bucket falls as her hands go limp, water splashing out and soaking into the dirt around her. She steps forward as if in a trance, her boots squelching in the newly damp earth, then smiles. “You got my letter.”

Taako clears his throat and quickly schools his expression into a practiced nonchalance. “Yeah, well, I was bored. Thought this might be a bit of a challenge, y’know? Don’t have many of those since I saved basically everything in existence.”

Taako expects Kravitz to see right through him, for him to sigh and smile fondly, not telling anyone how much Taako cares but giving him that knowing look anyways. But Kravitz’s fingers are loose around his hand, and when Taako looks over, he’s blinking owlishly at their surroundings.

“Babe? You doing alright?”

“Huh?” Kravitz’s eyes snap back to Taako’s face with the wide, confused look of someone who’s just been woken suddenly. He shakes his head and gives Taako an unconvincing smile. “Yeah, sorry, I’m fine. This place just… seems familiar for some reason.”

“You probably caught some necromancer here a thousand years ago or something. I’m sure you can’t remember all the places you’ve reaped some poor schmuck.” Taako doesn’t really believe the words coming out of his mouth—then again, when does he?—but he really wants to leave. Kravitz is being weird and this woman is looking at him with tears in her eyes and somewhere nearby there’s a monument of people he’s killed. He’ll say whatever he has to in order to speed this up. Save the worrying and thinking and remembering for later.

“No, I remember all the jobs I’ve done for Her Majesty,” Kravitz says. He sounds a little disappointed, like he was hoping the answer could be that simple. “I haven’t been her servant for that long, you know. You, Magnus, and Merle were my first big job. Most of my time was in the Eternal Stockade before then.”

“Huh. That explains a lot,” Taako says blithely, filing away that piece of information for his growing To-Be-Processed-And-Dealt-With-Later list. He turns to the young woman. “Lead the way. Let’s get this thing done.”

The young woman is babbling as she walks, showering Taako in praise and thanks that he’d normally savor. He can’t seem to focus on any of her words though, and as he follows her, Kravitz stays in place, still staring at the town around them. Reluctantly, Taako drops his hand and leaves him to muse on his deja-vu.

As Taako walks away, Kravitz focuses in on the tavern. The sign is faded beyond recognition, but there’s  _something_  in the back of Kravitz’s mind that he can’t quite place.

The townsfolk slowly go back to their activities, still sneaking glances at both Kravitz and Taako. An elven man pushes open the door to the tavern and Kravitz catches a few notes from an old piano. He can feel a phantom sensation of worn, well-loved keys on the pads of his fingers. Kravitz has heard plenty of pianos over the years, but this sound…

It’s the sound of the piano he learned to play on.

Kravitz gasps aloud as the faded memories return. He remembers wandering into the tavern when he was too young to be there, ducking behind tables to avoid the bartender’s gaze so he could stay and listen to the old woman at the piano. He remembers the way she played with her eyes closed, letting the music wash over her until nothing else mattered. He remembers when she finished her last piece of the day, opened her eyes, and looked right at him.

_“A fan of music, are we? Do you know how to play?”_

It only takes a second for Kravitz to remember what  _else_  happened here, in the village he grew up in. The reason Taako must’ve wanted to come in the first place, and why he seemed to be barely holding himself together.  Kravitz turns on his heel and runs after Taako.

It’s unnervingly easy to rush down the dirt path and take a sharp turn around the back of a storage shed, like the past decade away from the town never happened. He’s moving purely on muscle memory, surprised by how well he remembers every twist of the path that leads to the edge of town. He hops over a fence that wasn’t there when he was alive—likely built to block off the scene of the tragedy, he thinks with cold dread pooling in his stomach.

“Taako,  _wait—"_  he calls out, but he can see it’s too late.

Taako and the young woman stand before five golden figures. The figures are arranged in a rough semi-circle, all facing the point where Taako is standing now. Their faces are distorted in pain and fear, some holding their hands up as if to shield themselves from a blow. One of the figures is no more than a child with fat, golden tears running down his cheeks.

Taako’s eyes are locked onto the face of the figure in front of the child, his arm flung out in an attempt to stand between the child and their attacker. Taako looks into the figure’s familiar eyes, eyes that he’s woken up to each morning filled with love. These eyes are wide and frightened and just a little hateful.

_This is how Kravitz looked at his murderer_ , Taako realizes. It was his relic that did this. How fitting that look survived until it found him.

Faintly, he hears Kravitz step towards him. “Taako, love, I…” But there are no words. What could he possibly say? Taako  _killed_  him.

The young woman’s gaze flickers nervously between Taako, Kravitz, and the golden corpse. Wisely, she says nothing and takes a few steps back to give them some privacy.

Kravitz walks closer, but doesn’t try to touch him. Taako lets out a short, wet laugh that hurts more than it probably should. Even when they’re looking at the proof that Taako killed him, Kravitz is still able to read him so well.

Taako finally pries his eyes away from the golden Kravitz and turns to the (sort of) living one. It’s only in that moment, looking into Kravitz’s sad, vulnerable eyes, that Taako realizes how  _angry_ he is. He’s angry at himself for making that fucking stone, angry at whoever used it to hurt these people, angry at Kravitz for  _not telling him_.

The anger must show on his face, because Kravitz stumbles back a step with an expression like he just got slapped. A part of him takes some sick satisfaction in making Kravitz back away, running away from Taako like the monster he is.

Without a word, Taako moves to one of the other golden figures and fishes a small stone out of his pocket. He never actually used this when he was adventuring, did he? He takes a breath and curls his fingers tightly around the transmutation stone with one hand, and places the other on the figure’s shoulder.

He doesn’t pray, because Taako doesn’t do prayer, but he does send a little thought Istus’s way as he concentrates on the figure.

_I know this stone isn’t really powerful enough to change them, but they were killed by another stone made by me and one of them turned into my reaper boyfriend, so that’s gotta be enough bond juice for you to help me out, yeah?_

The golden figure darkens, and small chunks begin to fall away and scatter on the ground until there’s nothing but a pile of rich, dark earth at Taako’s feet. He moves onto the next figure, and one by one turns them to dirt. He saves the child for second-to-last, and then finally moves to stand in front of the golden Kravitz.

There’s a moment where he just stares at his face, committing his last living expression to memory, letting the statue of his love focus all that fear and hatred on Taako. Then, he places his hand on Kravitz’s cheek, and feels him crumble away.

When it’s done, he rubs his fingers together, feeling the grains of dirt that stuck to him. He turns to the young woman and says, “Plant something nice here. I made sure there’s lots to feed it.”

The woman nods, equal parts frightened and thankful. “Thank you.” She glances at Kravitz, whom Taako pointedly does not look at. He instead turns away from the town, and just starts walking.

“Taako,” Kravitz says, trailing a few feet behind. “Please, at least let me take you home.”

Taako pulls at a cord around his neck, revealing his Stone of Farspeech. “Lup.” There isn’t an answer, and Taako can’t keep his hands from shaking anymore. “ _Lup.”_

Kravitz is talking again, but it’s just buzzing in Taako’s ears. He grips the stone so tightly that the cord starts to hurt his neck.

“Barold,” he tries, his voice unsteady.

“Taako?” Barry’s voice comes out of the stone, and Taako almost falls to his knees at the sound.

“I need you to pick me up.” He doesn’t know when he started crying, but it’s clear in his voice by now.

“What’s wrong?” Barry’s voice becomes panicked. “Are you alright?”

“Please,” is all he can manage.

“I’m coming. It’s gonna be fine, I’m coming right now.”

Taako finally looks at Kravitz and says the first thing he’s said to him since he saw Kravitz’s body.  _“Go.”_

Kravitz doesn’t push him—he never pushes him, he’s too kind, too good for Taako. He closes him eyes and nods, resigned. “I’m sorry,” he says, and he’s gone, leaving only the sound of a raven’s wing flapping in the distance.

Taako barely has time to wallow in his misery before Barry is there, pulling him into a tight hug. Taako must’ve looked pretty bad, because Barry started talking in his Soft Voice. It was the one he’d used on those rare occasions when Lup had died without Taako, and he couldn’t do anything without feeling an oppressive void at his side. The whole crew was gentle with him, but Barry was the one who sat with him, always wrapping an arm around him and filling the silence with his voice, making sure Taako was never alone. It kept him sane as he waited for the year to end.

“I’ve got you,” Barry says, and Taako can’t help but cling to him. “I’m getting us out of here, okay?” There’s the falling feeling again, and then Taako is being lowered down onto Lup and Barry’s couch.

“Why didn’t Lup pick up?” Taako asks, voice small. He holds back a hiccup and tries to maintain some semblance of dignity.

Barry cups Taako’s face in his hands and starts to wipe away his tears. “She’s on a mission for the Raven Queen. Her stone is silenced. I can override it, just give me second.” He reaches for his stone and it pulses with red arcane energy for a moment.

Taako knows the right thing to do is stop him. There’s really nothing Lup can do to make this right, and he’d be pulling her away from some cosmically important mission. But dammit, Taako wants his  _sister_ , and he can’t be bothered to give a shit about much else.

Barry turns away as he whispers into his stone, probably because he’s telling Lup how awful Taako looks right now. Only now does he realize that he never even put on his usual Disguise Self before going out. Gods only know what Barry must be thinking after finding him alone in the middle of nowhere with his home face on.

Lup appears in a literal flash, and hot air blasts out from her rift. She’s got strange black smudges on her clothes and cheek, but she wastes no time in kneeling on the floor nest to Taako and looking him over. Her hands flutter over his arms, both reassuring him and checking for injuries.

Satisfied that he is physically uninjured, Lup takes Taako’s hands and holds them tightly. “What happened?” There’s an edge to her voice, an implied  _I’ll kill whoever hurt you_  that only makes Taako feel worse. After all, he’s the bad guy in this story.

Taako breaks. He can’t understand half the words coming out of his mouth and his ears are ringing and he doesn’t pause to breathe for so long that his chest hurts. He stumbles his way through the story, and then rambles about guilt and Kravitz’s face and it’s unfair it’s so  _unfair he killed Kravitz he killed him._

Taako’s half-nonsense devolves into sobs as he buries his face in Lup’s shoulder. He spends several seconds doing nothing but trembling as Lup holds him. “It was supposed to be  _over_ ,” he mumbles into the fabric of her robe. “We won. The end. No more relics.”

“It is over,” Lup says. “Kravitz died a decade ago. It’s not your…” Lup seems to realize that Taako won’t believe it’s not his fault and stops herself. “It’s not starting again. I promise.”

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course. Wanna help me make dinner? I was thinking tacos.”

Taako snorts. “Now you’re just flattering me.”

“Is it working?” Lup leans away to give Taako a devious smile.

“Hell yeah.” Taako’s smile isn’t quite his usual one, nor is it his sincere one, but it’s a start.

Barry is absolutely not allowed in the kitchen while the twins work. He tries to follow them (Not to  _cook_ , he was just trying to be supportive!), but they usher him out, telling him that his mere presence will spoil the food.

Lup doesn’t try to talk more about what happened with Kravitz, but she does pull out one of their aunt’s old recipes for a side dish, so Taako knows he’s getting the little twin treatment today. (They don’t actually have a record of who was born first, so they take turns being big twin and little twin whenever it’s convenient for them. Usually Taako’s not too hot on being the little twin, but today seems to be a day of exceptions.)

Lup works close to Taako, always bumping their elbows together and leaning on his shoulder to watch him work whenever she has a free moment. He teases her for it and she teases right back, and they dance around the subject of why so well that they should get a goddamn trophy. Or at least a spot on Fantasy Dancing with the Stars.

When dinner’s ready, Taako goes to let Barry know his exile has ended while Lup sets the table. But as Taako approaches the living room, he hears Barry speaking. Then, he hears a voice that is not Barry’s.

“—just want to know he’s okay.” Kravitz. Taako’s heart races as he pokes his head around the corner. Barry is talking into his Stone of Farspeech, and Kravitz is not in the house. Taako doesn’t know whether or not he’s happy about that.

“Well, ‘okay’ isn’t how I’d put it,” Barry says. “But he’s here, and you know Lup and I are gonna take care of him. I think it’s best if you wait a while, give him some space.”

“Right. Of course.” Kravitz’s voice is strained. “I… I should go, then.”

“Bye, Kravitz.” Barry waits for a moment with no response, then sighs and tucks the stone away. Taako ducks back behind the corner and waits a hopefully un-suspicious amount of time before walking into the room and announcing, “Soup’s on, Barold.”

Taako manages to compartmentalize enough to enjoy dinner. The food is warm and familiar and tastes amazing—natch. Lup links their ankles under the table and Barry drones on about the finer details of some research paper he’s working on. He manages to avoid necromancy talk and honestly, Taako might’ve been interested in a better mood. But for now, he half-listens and ribs Barry about wanting to  _study_  after already being one of the multiverse’s most accomplished arcanists and having said accomplishments implanted into everyone’s minds via Voidfish.

When they’re ready to go to bed, they don’t even bother with the pretense of making up the guest bedroom. Taako’s kicked Barry out of his own bed before, but tonight the three of them pile on together.

Waking up next to Lup is familiar enough that for a second, Taako doesn’t think about why it’s not Kravitz next to him in bed. He listens to Lup’s snoring as yesterday’s events settle in his mind. He lifts his head enough to check the rest of the bed and doesn’t find Barry—he must already be up for the day. He was always more of an early-riser than the twins. With just the two of them there, Taako can almost pretend it’s the old days again, back before the IPRE, with no one in his heart but his sister, who would never let him down. Of course, they never had as nice a place as this to crash in the old days. Even when he closes his eyes, the sheets are too soft for the illusion to fully set in.

Eventually, he sighs and props himself up on his elbow, resigned if not ready to face the morning. He leans over to kiss Lup’s forehead before rolling out of bed. He pulls his fingers through his hair as he walks towards the kitchen, taming his wild bed-head into a more manageable mess for now.

The smell of coffee drifts through the air and Taako enters the kitchen to find Barry leaning against the counter with a mug. He raises it in greeting, and then nods at the spare mugs. “Want some?”

“Made by you?” Taako scoffs with no real bite.

“It’s Fantasy Costco Instant,” Barry says with a roll of his eyes. “None of my kitchen-curse on it.” He’s already pouring Taako a mug, which Taako takes mostly for the warmth rather than the taste. He holds it near his face after sips to let the steam lift past his face.

“So,” Barry says, absolutely failing at nonchalance. “Do you wanna… talk about it?”

“Depends. If I ignore it long enough will it go away?” Taako’s glad he has the mug to hide some of his expression. Barry’s too good at reading him. He leans back against the counter and tries not to look as hopeless as he feels.

“Probably not.” Barry leans next to Taako, just close enough that he can feel Barry’s arm brush against his. “Kravitz called last night. I get if you’re not ready to talk yet, but you can’t avoid him forever.”

“Everything was easier when I just had to wait a year for none of my actions to matter anymore.” He knows Barry understands what he really means:  _It was easier when they were all dust and I didn’t have to care and get my heart broken._

Barry sighs and they drink their coffee in silence. Taako leans a little more towards Barry, enough that he can still deny it was intentional, but also enough that Barry will see right through that.

“Listen,” Barry breaks the silence. “Lup and I have got to go to work. The Raven Queen gets that we’re family-first, but that mission Lup bailed on last night… We gotta go clean that up or it’s not gonna be good. Will you be okay by yourself?”

“Okay as always,” Taako says. He tries for dry humor, but it comes out as weary cynicism. He waits a second before speaking, unable to keep back the question burning the back of his tongue. “Will Kravitz be going with you, too?”

“Yeah. We’re meeting him there.”

“Tell him… Tell him he can come by today. I want to…” Taako trailed off as he realized he didn’t quite know what he wanted to do. Talk? Apologize? Yell? Just see him again?

Luckily for him, Barry just nodded and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “We’ll come by after work. Lup and I will be right there for you.”

Taako nodded back, unable to even think about more words to say.

When Lup wakes up she fusses over Taako the entire time she’s getting ready. He lets her more because it makes her feel better than him. By the time she and Barry are ready to rift out, he’s reassured her at least twelve times that he’ll be fine, which fools precisely no one in the room.

Finally, Lup and Barry say their last goodbyes and leave. Suddenly, Taako realizes he now actually has to deal with being alone. He stands in the living room for some time, staring at the spot where his sister and brother-in-law just were. The house feels a lot bigger without the two of them, and that annoying little voice in his head that keeps reminding him of every way he’s ever screwed up is having a field day.

Taako decides it’s time to start baking. He enters the kitchen and starts opening cupboards to take stock of everything at his disposal. Luckily this is Lup’s kitchen, which means it’s always got the basics and then some (unlike a certain fighter he could mention that doesn’t seem to get that a full spice rack isn’t  _optionable_  if you’re trying to make an edible dinner).

He starts out simply enough with whipping up a quick bread dough. There’s not much bread left in the pantry, and Lup and Barry will be lucky to find bona-fide fresh Taako bread when they get home. And if he’s a little extra rough kneading the dough, who’s going to know?

As the day passes, Taako’s creations get more and more complicated—works of art, if he does say so himself. He gets so lost in his work that it isn’t until his stomach starts growling that he realizes he’s never even stopped to really eat any of the pastries and goodies that have slowly been swallowing up the counter space. Sure, he’s taste-tested through the process like any respectable chef, but it’s almost mid-afternoon and all he’s really put in his stomach is the instant coffee Barry made.

He wipes his flour-covered hands on his apron and grabs a jelly tart off the top of a plate piled high before dropping unceremoniously into the nearest chair in the dining room. He takes a bite and the flavors are nothing short of perfection, but somehow chewing it feels like a chore. He tries to put his finger on what’s wrong. The texture is just right, the ratio of filling to dough is there.

He swallows the first bite and raises the tart again to his lips but doesn’t open his mouth. Fuck, he’s  _tired_. He can’t even hold up the pastry anymore and lets his hand drop down to the table. His other hand supports his head as he leans over himself, really taking note of the weariness deep in his bones.

For a second, he’s afraid he’s going to start crying again, and what a sad sight  _that_  would be. Absolutely mortifying. But tears don’t come. He emptied himself out last night and now there’s just a big old  _nothing_  left inside.

He manages to push himself up and walk back to the kitchen, depositing the half-eaten tart back on its original plate. It’s only his family who’d eat it anyway, and they don’t mind. He really should eat something, though. He looks around the kitchen nearly overflowing with food of the highest quality (i.e. his own) and finds nothing that actually motivates him to start eating.

He closes his eyes and, in his mind, starts going through everything he’d found in the kitchen while doing inventory earlier. There’s some leftover soup that’s ready to eat with just a quick prestidigitation.

He’s never really been one for leftovers. When he and Lup were small, there wasn’t a guarantee they’d be able to eat later, so they stuffed themselves until their plates were empty. Later on, it was Magnus who cleared the plates so they never had leftovers. But apparently in the Taaco-Bluejeans household, there’s enough soup to put away. It’s definitely Lup’s cooking, and that makes it easier for Taako to get through a full serving. He still feels a vague longing to put his head down on the table and never get up, but he has enough energy now to muster the dignity to resist.

There’s still hours before Lup, Barry, and… and Kravitz are due to be back. Taako briefly considers a nap, but decides if he lets himself rest, there’s no way he’ll get up to face Kravitz. Besides, lying down with nothing but his own thoughts isn’t something he’s feeling right now. He needs to keep himself busy.

He starts by putting all of his baked goods in the kitchen away. Storing and organizing everything takes the better part of an hour, and Taako stretches it to two by reorganizing the food several times over.

He calls Ren about some finer business details he’s been putting off since almost the beginning of building the Taako brand. He’s pretty sure she knows something is up, but she doesn’t say anything and pretending to listen to her talk about the minutiae of licensing is distracting enough.

After he hangs up, he looks at the Stone in his hand. There are a few voices he could use hearing right about now, but he hesitates. Magnus would rush over, no doubt, and Taako’s not sure he can handle more feelings talk before Kravitz shows up. Merle would give him a truly Pan-awful sermon. Angus is too smart for his own good and would see through any lie Taako tried to pull about how okay he is (not at all), and he’s not ready for any more honesty.

In the end, Taako spends his remaining time pacing around the house, pulling out his Stone and fiddling with it before putting it away, and restlessly adjusting anything he can get his hands on. Lup might kill him for how completely he’s reorganized the kitchen. (It’s better this way anyway; he’s told her a million times his system is the  _best._ )

Finally, there’s a soft knock on the door. Taako jumps nearly a foot in the air. He almost thinks it’s not the reapers, because they could just appear inside any time they wanted, but when his shaky hand turns the knob, Lup is standing on the other side.

“We figured coming through the door might be better than popping in on you,” she says, answering Taako’s unasked questions as always.

Lup enters the room and puts an arm around Taako’s shoulders. Taako can’t see Barry and Kravitz behind her, but they can’t be too far.

“You ready?” Lup asks.

“No. Tell him to come in.” Taako drops onto the couch, then straightens up, trying to remember how to fake confidence. It didn’t used to be this hard.

“Barry and I will be in the other room. We’ll give you two space, but if you need us just call.” Lup tucks a strand of Taako’s hair behind his ear and lets her hand linger for a moment. Taako closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again, his gaze meets Lup’s and she nods. Now or never.

Lup pulls away and ducks her head out of the door. “Come on in.”

Barry enters first, and he and Lup make their way further into the house and out of sight. Taako watches as Kravitz shuffles into the center of the room, standing as stiff and still as—well, as Death. Taako thinks he might not even be breathing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kravitz opens his mouth and nothing comes out. He sighs and looks down at his shoes, his posture still perfect and stiff. “The answer isn’t going to make you feel better.”

“I don’t want to feel better. I want to know why you didn’t tell me I  _murdered_  you.” Taako’s voice sounds foreign to even himself. There’s no emotion. It’s that _nothing_  inside of him speaking now.

Kravitz takes a tentative step forward. When Taako doesn’t respond, he continues until he’s sitting next to him on the couch. He doesn’t try to touch Taako, which is good, because Taako might just blast him with a fireball if he tries to pretend everything is okay.

“I didn’t realize it until after the Day of Story and Song,” Kravitz starts quietly. “My memories from when I was alive are fuzzy at the best of times, and it wasn’t until I fully processed that you made the Philosopher’s Stone that I realized what that meant for me.” Kravitz glances up at Taako’s eyes hesitantly, as if he’s asking permission to make eye contact. “I was already in love with you Taako, you know that. It didn’t change my feelings.”

“You’re supposed to be honest with the people you love,” Taako says, like a hypocrite. He’s not sure if he’s trying to hurt Kravitz or himself with the remark.

“Taako, love…” Kravitz closes his eyes and balls his hands into fists, not in anger, but in the way one does when they know there’s nothing to be done. Defeat. “I knew how much it would hurt you. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. That was wrong, and I’m so, so sorry.”

Taako looked away, staring at the opposite wall instead. It hurt less to look there. “How can you not think of me differently? How am I supposed to look at  _you_? I’m the reason you died.”

“I know this isn’t going to be what you want to hear, but I’m trying this thing where I’m honest with the people I love.” Kravitz’s voice gains back a little of its usual lilt with the dry humor. Taako forces himself not to smile. “That day… I’ve never thought of it as my death.”

Taako starts to argue, but Kravitz puts a hand up. His expression is firm. Taako likes it a lot better than his guilty, docile face.

“That is the day my Queen took me into her service. She took my soul and made it something new, gave me purpose. The person I was before didn’t matter anymore because of her. I was her servant, and she made me feel whole.” Kravitz stops and smiles, his eyes far away. “It was… sublime. The small-town pianist was a speck of dust compared to my new being. I have always been faithful to my Queen, Taako. She gave me a place in the world. Maybe who I was died that day, but the me that I am now was  _created_  because of the Philosopher’s Stone.”

Taako furrows his brow and tries to sort through all the protests that spring to mind. Most of it amounts to a petulant voice that keeps insisting,  _But you died!_ He doesn’t know how to say it without sounding like he hasn’t listened at all.

Kravitz carefully takes Taako’s hands in his. Taako surprises himself by letting him. “I should’ve told you. But I never once blamed you, and I hope you can stop blaming yourself. I’m not  _dead_ , love. I’m a reaper.” Kravitz moves Taako’s hand to the side of his neck, where a warm pulse beats beneath the skin. It’s faint, and not quite as warm as a living human, but it seems to grow stronger and warmer under Taako’s touch. “Do you feel that? My heart started beating again when I fell in love with you. You’ve made me more alive than I’d ever been, even in Greensborough. I’m here, I like the being I am now, and I love you.”

“Did it hurt?” Taako feels tears that he thought were long gone start to well up. “Did I hurt you?”

“I don’t remember.” Kravitz cups Taako’s face with one hand, stroking his cheek with his thumb. His other hand stays holding Taako’s hand against his pulse. “I remember stepping in front of that child, and when the Raven Queen remade me, I always knew what happened, but I don’t remember the feeling.”

“What if I hurt you again?”

Kravitz has the gall to smirk a stupid, beautiful smirk. “I’m a big strong reaper. I can handle myself. And you’re a lot kinder than you give yourself credit for.”

Taako doesn’t even make the decision to lean forward and kiss Kravitz. It’s simply a fact that he must be kissing him right now. If he was just a little sappier, he’d say he could feel Istus pulling him into Kravitz’s embrace with her threads.

When they pull apart, it’s not more than an inch. Just enough for Taako to say, “I love you.”

Kravitz leans their foreheads together and Taako takes a long moment to enjoy the touch of Kravitz’s skin. Taako hums contently, then says, “You know Lup and Barold have definitely been listening in on this whole thing, yeah?”

“I figured.” Kravitz sounds just as blissfully unbothered as Taako feels.

“No, we haven’t!” Lup shouts from around the corner of the hallway.

Taako feels Kravitz’s laughter entwined with his own. Lup comes out of hiding with a smile and a respectfully-abashed Barry. “So, who wants dinner?”

Taako’s stomach growls as he remembers his pitiful eating habits today. “Sounds perfect, Lulu.”

As Lup heads into the kitchen and Barry awkwardly looks away to give them a semblance of privacy, Kravitz leans into Taako and says quietly, “Are you okay?”

“No.” Taako tucks his head into the crook of Kravitz’s neck. “But I’ve got you back, so that’s a start.” He only gets to enjoy a moment of peace.

“Taako, my dear brother whom I love with all my heart?” Lup calls from the kitchen, her voice light and airy in a way that means she’s about to lose it.

“Yeah?”

“What the  _fuck_  did you do to my kitchen?”


End file.
